DUCKOFYORK | Indonesian Lifestyle Blogger: Maret 2015

posted by Agi Tiara | duckofyork . Rabu, 18 Maret 2015 . diary / stuff the duckter think on the toilet

Stuff We Think in the Toilet #003: The Wheels of Karma

Karma. Simple words, big meaning.

I never really thought that I'd be writing this and make the side of my story heard. At least, 4 years ago I wasn't. As usual, I change the name of the people that were involved in this story. But, for those who were reading this and realized who they are; I hope now you understand the repercussion of your actions.

Most of us understands karma as the universal law of the nature--you will reap what you sow. What you do in this life will affect you in your next phase of life. This, is the story of a man who broke a girl's heart and get away with it for years until karma catch up with him. This is the story of forgiveness and letting go. This is my story, and is my side of the story.

quotes by thegoodquote on instagram

My first love happened in 7^th grade. Contrary to the popular beliefs that your first love should be an awesome guy with an awesome personality and awesome looks, mine is a nerd with thick glasses, greasy hair, cheek full of zits and puberty acne, and barely even talks to girl. He's my senior and was in 9th grade. Let's call him A. Despite of my confidence, bubbly personalities, happy-go-lucky attitude and we are in the same social circle with tons of mutual friends, I barely talk to him. I'm so shy yet scared.

The opportunity to talk to him came the next year when we talk about computers and all stuff nerdy. I was so happy. We talk a lot about things, about how he owned a forum in the interwebz, about his blog and my (old) blog, about his family, and a lot of things. So happy that by the time we get really close on the beginning of the 9th grade, I confessed to him and he reject me.

It's so sad that he didn't like me, he said I'm not his type, that we should stay friends. That made me quite sad. This is the beginning of a series of bad decisions that I will made until this very day. I was close with another boy and began dating him. We broke up a year later and I was drawn to A again. We got close again, but then I found out he is close to another girl and I was dating another boy again to hide those pain. When I broke up with the second rebound guy, we got close again and talks so much about life and politics and philosophies together. I was in 11th grade and he just get into the 2nd best university in Indonesia (because the first one is my alma mater, sorry guys, but I'm bias just like that).

He promised that we will watch a certain movies about World War II together because he was very interested with World War II. Too bad, turns out he was seeing another girl (again) and watch the movie with the girl and his friends (which was my friends too! See? this is why I don't really like to use the terms "friend" so much). I was devastated that I literally threw myself to the third rebound guy that is a jerk to me; yet not long after that, A broke up with this girl--AND WE GET CLOSE AGAIN.

I WAS LIKE, ARE YOU FUKEN KIDDING ME.

but you know, he has his own charm. And I think he got me wrapped up in his spell that I will choose him over anyone--even over a boy that truly loves me and will do anything for me. We maintain this toxic relationship where he'll go to me when he's in a bad condition and need comforts but he'll disappear when he felt comforted enough.

And I began to doubt myself at this point. I'm sure that he doesn't even love me, but my compassion get over my logic. We did a lot of things together--yet I was seeing another men on the side. It's very toxic for anyone and even our friends encouraged us to be together--doesn't work.

We're too close to call ourselves as friends yet too far to call ourselves as a couple. I wasn't ready for any kind of dare. On his birthday, I was at school and I received a phone call that his dad passed away. Yes, right on his birthday, so imagine I was freaking out and I decided to skip class even though I'm on 12th grade and need to prepare for national exam. I love him too much to even think about my own priorities. And he always gives me hope by drawing me close to him each and each time.

I was there for every worst moment that happened in our lives, and looking back, almost all worst moments of my life were caused by him, whether intentionally or unintentionally. After his dad funeral, we became really close again and our friends keeps pressuring us to be together, to which he replied; "i can't be with her since she's too stubborn and will do anything as she pleases, i took her more like a best friend,"

well, best friend my ass.

BEST FRIENDS FUKEN STAY FOR EACH OTHER.

yet he was never there on all of my worst time and... not too long after we had that conversation; he dated another girl, let's call her T. He describes her to me as amazing, religious, beautiful, smart. Imagine how the goddamn pain struck my heart at that very moment. He brought the girl to hang out with our friends without inviting me. Yet, everytime he had a problem with that girl, guess which bitch he was running to? ME. If he got into a fight with her, with who he'll seeks comfort with? ME. I always listen to his crap 100% at the time eventhough it hurts me. And when it hurts I will fool myself by saying "I will just be happy that he's happy"

But this can't go on for long because I started to date rebound guy number something--sorry I lost track of exes sometimes, on which, this particular ex, had drop me off in the middle of nowhere because I cut my hair and he was lost in the sea of his own jealousy. Then with the intention to forget about rebound guy number something and A, I dated yet another rebound guy...which in the end, reveals to me that he can swing both ways.

Those bad decisions led me into a blessing in disguise though. I was accepted in both of my alma mater and A's alma mater. To be honest, I don't really want to leave town and go to my current alma mater, but I can't stand this unholy ways of getting a rebound guy over and over again and falling head over heels to A over and over again.

So, off I went. 500+ kilometres away from my bestfriends, friends, family, home. In order to AVOID FALLING IN LOVE WITH ONE GUY THAT I'VE BEEN "SEEING" FOR 5 YEARS. I was like a drug addict, and everytime he calls me I got a fuken relapse; so I block his number, delete his contact, and forgets everything about him.

It wasn't easy though. We met once when I was home for holiday because my friends insists that he should've come, besides, he and T wasn't in a good condition. I believe it was my bestfriends trying to play cupid, but I was seeing a guy that I really love at that time so I ended up ignoring him all the way. We did exchange contacts again, in courtesy of making my friends happy. Am I a compassionate person or not? Blergh.

We started light texting through BBM once to say happy new year, happy birthday, merry christmas, ied mubarak and such. I didn't really care with what he said. In fact I was so happy with my relationship that no matter how much we talk, I didn't even look at him anymore. I let him go to be happy and I want to be happy as well. So it's actually very civil.

Until the day that broke up, two years ago.

I knew his relationship gets rocky when T was accepted in a college that requires a train commute further than A's commute to his college, and A was very busy until he neglected T. But I don't care. If she was neglected by his own boyfriend; why do I have to meddle? She's not my friend and he's just an old piece of past for me.

But if only the break up was clean, because it turns out that T was seeing this GIRL. Yes, T turns out to.... I don't know how to put this cleanly on in the right way... like girls also. Basically when A neglected her, T got really close with this boyish girl who is rumored to be a lesbian, let's called her K. T & K likes japanese Idol group so it's easy for them to conversate and since they are girls, it's easy for them to have sleepovers, etc. NO I'M NOT SUGGESTING SOMETHING HAPPENED BETWEEN THEM. It's just that the relationship between T&K grew bigger while T&A grew further apart. And A confided to us that K always suggests sexual innuendos to T.

He was ripped apart and guess who was the person he turns to? yes, me.

He confided everything in me and I was like, oh well, he'll get better. And he's not getting better. If else, he's going in a downward spiral. Mainly because he loved her and she gave him a reason not to be. We meet up, and he tried to say sorry to me in the worst way possible in front of my friends. You want to know my reaction?

"Well, obviously, from the time that you ditch me for that girl, I already gave you an options--either I slapped you or God slapped you. And you chose the latter one, and boy, was that hurts,"

He was dead silent as if I just hit his head with bricks. Our friends laugh but I felt a dead air around me. For me to say things that ruthless in a cold blood manner, wasn't something very unusual in our circle of friends, but this time I didn't really feel anything. I didn't intend to joke. It's a pure evil and malicious comment and it was very malignant for me to say such things to his face.

In fact I was smiling. and I was happy he suffered. I was glad that God has chosen the right time to give him a slap in the face. I couldn't be happier with my boyfriend and my current life, and he sinks so low. For once, seeing him sad doesn't bring out the best in me. I don't go and comfort him. I learned that what we used to have was cheap and barely there. It was one sided. And he was one sided now, no?

Later, I wouldn't think so much about it because I thought he learned his lesson very well. In fact, no. Two years after that encounter, we met again. This time he was flying to my town to attend a cross-religion seminar--something that used to be our favorite topic. I picked him up with Alfa, but beforehand I told Alfa that me and him used to have a long history. He was agitated a bit by the fact we're going to pick up someone from my past that used to be one of the reason I move town.

The man I was picking up was nowhere near the man I used to love. He's thinner, had this shabby look, hasn't graduated yet for 7 years, and the worst--his eyes were dead. I know that he hasn't move on from T yet, and I think it's eating him inside. I pitied him so much that I even decided to pay for lunch and take him to his meeting. That wasn't love. That was pity.

Later, one of my friend told me he has problems with his lungs and there's this crazy fact that T still contacted him and gave him yet another false hope, because if he tried to chase T, she'll disappear, but she'll reappears anytime she needs him. That eats him alive everyday. Most of our friends already tired with him not getting over T for two years and had given up on him already. They're sick of the level of toxicity T has bring into A's life.

Hearing this, I felt so sad and I think he had enough of this karma wheels. But that's not for me to decide. Whether the wheels will turn and return into its normal state, or for some reason it was stuck in a state like this, that is the Universe to decide. For me, justice had been served already and I don't want to see him in an even worse situation. I don't even wish this kind of ill state for my worst enemies. Everybody keeps pestering me to forgive him, but in fact, wasn't the one who needs to forgive himself was his truly?

Lesson learned; never take karma so lightly. Whatever we did, somehow will come back to us. And if it wasn't enough, it'll haunt us for the rest of our lives.

For A, wherever you are, I'm only wishing for your happiness, health and prosperity. I truly wish that you would find happiness the way I do. And I hope that you'll find someone who loves you better that anyone else. I was bitter for the 5 years we spent together--but hey, if you've never been the jerk that you were, I wouldn't end up in a very good hands.

Stuff We Think in the Toilet #003: The Wheels of Karma

posted by Agi Tiara | duckofyork . Rabu, 11 Maret 2015 . diary / stuff the duckter think on the toilet

Stuff We Think on the Toilet #002: On Loving His Occupation...

I'm engaged to Alfa for a month tomorrow, and let me tell you this: I love him. I do. A lot, actually. And I know, love is an unconditional state of feeling, but I got to tell you this: I HATE HIS JOB.

Okay, hate is actually a very strong word, so I'm going to rephrase it: I'm not psyched about his job.

I love animals, I do. And I saw his passion towards animals and I love it. I really understand that being a veterinary surgeon is his calling and I got to respect him for that. I saw him going tough times when everyone else around him wants him to works in the government and he didn't really want that. I went to him and ask him what he really wants in life and he said it boldly, "I want to be a vet surgeon"

So I become the Vet's (future) wife. No big deal. Vet's wife is awesome--will never be as awesome as being a WAGs or wife of a multi millionaire, but still awesome. Boy, I was wrong, and I got to hand my hat over to all those Veterinarian's wife around the world--who isn't a vet, by the way, since mostly married girls from the same occupation--you ladies, are awesome, I don't know how you can keep up with that, but pure respect bro.

I already felt the hardships on our first few months of dating since he was on a clinical rotation. On our first week of dating he was stationed in a zoo and he snaps cute picture of animal for his report and somehow he decided to send it to me because: (a) he knows I love that zoo and I regularly go to that zoo just to (somehow) donate my money for tickets, trainers tips, etc, so the animals can live longer and (b) who doesn't love cute animals? I mean he sent me a photo of a cute orangutans drinking a bottled tea--WHO DOESN'T LOVE ORANGUTANS AND BOTTLED TEA??

But then shit goes down because he showed me a photo of Prairie Dog's necropsy that he did there. I almost puke and I cried straightaway because... It's necropsy. Technically it's an autopsy for a dead prairie dog and let me tell you one, that is one cute fella you cut open there, bro.

Then the next week he showed me the photo of goat's feces he's been inspecting. I asked him how can he determined whether the sample of goat's feces is healthy or not--and he proceeds to show me where the worm is and how the worm lives in the feces--all while we're cuddling and canoodling in a romantic evening enjoying my home cooked meal.

There was this one time where he promised me he'll took me watch the Annabelle, and the queue in the cinemas were crazily long. He can't come because he had to helped a cow getting birth so I queue alone despite how boring it is and I want to cry because I felt so alone just to get us tickets. That feeling kind of disappears when he said the birth process was successful and he looks so happy.

I know that his job is to save the world, one animal at a time. And wasn't it fun to save the world? yes. You can ask any superheroes in the world whether they love saving the world: they'll say yes. Try asking lois lane how it feels like to be with superman or try asking mary jane why she can't be with spiderman. Being the wife of a superhero sucks. And I can confirm this big time because it involves a lot of worrying, a lot of sleepless night and a lot of praying.

It happened just last monday; there's a female cat that needs a C-Section. He never did a C-Section alone before. I was kneeling and praying like crazy the whole time it happened (although I was somewhere else) and few hours later when it's done he just sent a text saying 'it's done, i'm so exhausted' to which I bombarded him with questions about how it went because I was so worried he's going to kill the cat.

I actually have a strong beliefs in Alfa's ability to perform surgery on animal since I know he's really good at doing it so I shouldn't have to worry that he's going to kill the cat. But still, when your spouse confided their problems with you, and yet all you can do is wait and do nothing, you'll feel useless. Plus, he dated fellow veterinarian students before, so...insecurities alert.

Imagine sitting home knowing he's doing something that risked his life (like, he can bit by a rabies' ridden dog--knock on wood). How can you not hate yourself for not being able to do anything about it?

So I did some researching on veterinarian job. And then I stumbled to an old manga that I happened to like because my bestfriend reccomends it to me. The title is "Wild Life"

Basically it's about a Vet named Tesshou Iwashiro who has a "perfect pitch" abilities and was stationed on the Wildlife Station on the R.E.D Vet Hospital in Japan. He performs a lot of complicated surgeries on animal and was never seen backing down on a patient. His determination on being a veterinarian surgeon amazed me right from the start, so I kept reading until I felt like, maybe this is why Alfa wants to be a vet.

But then, there's always downside in everything. The downside of me reading this manga so I can love Alfa's job is I kept asking him about things I read in the manga. And I believed it was a nuisance to him because he had to explained everything to me, unless I will kept on asking about that things--yes, I'm curious yet annoying just like that.

Like, "baby can you perform surgery on fish?" "what is empyema?" "baby can our pet dog be a nurse dog?" was among the stupid questions I asked. Stupidity confirmed, I know.

But see, here's the thing: I'm not a vet, I wanted to be one since I love animals so much but my dad objects them and in honour of being the only heiress of my family business, I agreed with them and go to lawschool instead (note: It should've been either business school or medical school--they went berserk after my choice of college, but it's still number one lawschool in Indonesia, what up), I don't understand how a Vet can easily took down an animal if they have to, because I cried every time my dogs won't eat and didn't sleep whenever they showed some sickness. I always worried whenever Alfa works really late, and I cringe on the sight of bloods--so it's pretty explanatory why we can't connect even on modular level regarding to his job. Even so, I want to be useful to him, and I want him to feel like he can confide to me anything, and that includes his work day.

I want to love something that is his biggest hope and dream. I want to love something that he loved doing and I want to be his source of strength whenever he needs it. And I want to be very supportive of his choice of occupation even though it horrifies me to do so.

After all, I'm going to marry a vet and his life, will be my life too.

Stuff We Think on the Toilet #002: On Loving His Occupation...

posted by Agi Tiara | duckofyork . Selasa, 10 Maret 2015 . diary / tips from the duckter

Parenting Training - We Have to Start with Phi

For those who are wondering, who is Phi? Phi is our beloved Dog. He's 11 months old, super hyperactive, is a rescue dog and a mutt. We kind of traced his lineage back to two prominent breeds; beagle and pitbull. Phi is the most doofus, entitled, spoiled, whiny, and hyperactive dog I ever seen in my whole life.

My fiance, Alfa, bought Phi when he was a veterinary student from a local breeder that supplied dog as a culinary experience, for his surgery clinic rotation practice. After the rotation is done, most of his friends gave up the dog for adoption or sold it back to the breeder--but being the good person he always is, he's unable to resold the dog and opt for the adoption. Originally there were two dogs, but one is adopted already. Nobody adopts Phi because Alfa's mother wasn't keen on him being adopted since he follows her around.

It was later his ex girlfriend offers an adopter for Phi but I wasn't keen on Phi being adopted at all. I mean, he's attached to the limbs with Alfa. It will break Phi's heart to get separated from his owner. Alfa then told me he barely even got money to eat, let alone feeding Phi. That day I swear to him, myself and God, that I will take care of the dog--eventhough the only thing that get in the way is I can't take him home because my house is super close to a mosque and a dog being there will disrupt the prayers since Moslem acknowledged dog's saliva as forbidden--but I still am the one buying him food, taking him to regular vaccination, buying him collars, taking him for a walk, trained him, sanitizing his cage and more.

I really loved dogs, and I can't say the same with Alfa. There's that one time when his ex asked him if she could take Phi for clinic rotation surgery practice which I oppose since there's nothing wrong with my baby. He voluntarily agreed saying if she bought another dog, it will just be a nuisance, she'll have to dump another dog, et cetera.

I was devastated. My heart breaks big time. I was so worried about Phi that I asked him to check on Phi everyday--something he refuses to do. I understand that his relationship with his ex were so important, but he already promised any kind of decision regarding Phi's wellbeing will includes me. It didn't. When Phi was back from the clinic he looked gloomy. I don't blame Alfa's ex at all. I blame him. This is a breathing, living creature. To treat him as he's just a toy for surgery practice wasn't acceptable. I could never accept it. To this day, I'm not sure I can forgive Alfa for doing this to Phi.

Alfa made me felt like a stranger that time. Something I wish he would never do to me. I was crying in front of Phi's cage talking to him, hoping he'll understand that I loved him like I love all my dogs while Alfa is inside the house. Everytime I went there, talking to Phi was the only thing I could do. I felt like an estranged stepmother. He refuses to go near anyone, not Alfa, not his sister, not a single living thing. He stopped eating his food. I was so worried he will get really sick.

That was the time I cried in the car, emotionally, saying, "Phi doesn't love me," to my fiance.

"He'll love you, you'll make a good mother to him," he said confidently--which I didn't actually believe because I was having trust issues with him regarding to Phi.

Sadly, I have never experienced with Dogs not liking me, except one particular Dog called Toothsie which was owned by my own bestfriend which bites me TWICE and try to bite me everytime I jog past his place to poop which sadly is in front of my house. So, Phi ignoring the world was something I wish he didn't do. But then I still take Phi for his walk. I still fed him his dog food. I gave him treats and affection whenever he learned the tricks right. It paid off. Whenever I park my car he'll wait patiently for me to go out of the car and jumped into me. If I'm going away he'll block me from entering my car. He'll follow my car around. He sits patiently in the backseat watching me drive with care, everytime I look back his eyes fixated on me. And that's the best feeling in the world.

There's one time when Phi got sick and Alfa had to treated him. He spoilt him by hand feeding Phi and Phi refuses to eat. Alfa got really wary and I took control.

"Left the food on his plate. He'll ate it" I said. He reluctantly put the plate on the floor and I took him inside the house and peek from the window. After a while, Phi ate all the food and left the plate clean. He was amazed,

"How did you know? everytime He's sick I'm hand feeding him, if not, he'll not touch his food,"

"He's a big guy now, should have eat on his own lah," I scolded Alfa, "you spoilt him too much that's why he's entitled and picky about food. Confirm should raise dog like raise baby."

Alfa started seeing his dog as a little more obedient and cheerful. He can jump at obstacles or keeping his calm whenever there's new dog around him. But he's still careless. There's a few time where I found out Phi's thumb nail had been broken off and his been in pain. If it's not because I insist on checking him everytime we go out, we won't understand that his nail had been broken and there's a risk of infection. He'll only worried if Phi is already sick.

"I only know how to treat them whenever they got sick," says him when I confront him about his carelessness, "When they're healthy, I just let them be,"

"But prevention is always better!"

"He's a mutt, he technically have a better immune system than purebred dogs, so we shouldn't worry so much,"

There goes our fight whenever Phi situation come up. I insist on having Phi vaccinated, and I took him by myself. Bought him food and vitamins. Pays for his monthly check up because Alfa is no longer here.

But you know what, I can't take credits as Phi's owner. We owned it together, along with Alfa's family. And as we owned it, we have to learned that Phi is not just a living accessories to display our vanities but also a God's creature, a part of the universe that should've been cherished by human being.

Raising a dog is no different than raising a baby. If he's a part of your family, you must want the best for him. You want him to eat well--bought him good quality dog food and occasionally good raw food! You want him to sleep well? give him his daily walk and training and provide him with a clean place to rest! You want him to train well? Shower him with enough affection and toughness.

Being a dog owner means you have responsibilities to treat your dog the way you want to be treated. And to be honest, although me and Alfa had differences when it comes to Phi's well being (he become the spoiling dad and I become the tough mom) we came a very long way for this. We need to learn how to assess his problem as our problem. We need to learn that it isn't good spoiling him or being too tough on him.

We felt like this was a good opportunity for us to learn on how to parent and how to raise a children. If we can raise Phi so well, then we can start thinking on having a baby. Maybe one day we will see how this has train us to deal with a spoiled baby that can't speak human language. Both of me and Alfa are the only child of our family. We're strong willed and stubborn. We both are an extroverted introvert and barely has any concept to how family should've been run. His parents were divorced and mine is always busy at work. We're not exactly a model citizen and a role model for kids, let alone our children.

Being a parent is always a scary thing. We can never really planned enough for parenthood. Most of people figure it out as they go along. And sure, there will be differences with your spouse on how to raise your kids, but do understand that raising children is NOT a competition and will never be. It took patience and time to craft the relationship. There's no such things as perfect kids. They're not robot and we should be calm and composed and look at each of them in a different light.

Sure we have plans for their future, but we can't imposed it on them like some sort of law. And maybe, just maybe, by raising one rescue dog, me and my fiance will understand on how to raise a kid. We'll never be the perfect parent, because parenthood is also not a competition, but we'll try to understand our kids and disciplined them thoroughly with love and create those good environment for kids to grow up--something that we didn't really experienced when we were kids.

So here we go. One rescue dog at a time.

Parenting Training - We Have to Start with Phi

posted by Agi Tiara | duckofyork . Senin, 09 Maret 2015 . diary

Because God Can't be More Cruel...

For the first few minutes, I stare blankly at the screen, unsure on to write or not to write the post. But after a while, I'm sure that this experience will help some of you guys out there, somehow, if you happened to stumble into this.

(Note: I obscure all the names of people who were involved in this story for the sake of their goodwill. If there's any similarities to yours or people around you, I am truly sorry and please note that it's purely coincidental)

I was just got back home from taking my dog to a pet hospital to get his regular vaccine. I was on the phone with my fiancé for a few hours and I was ready to have some good sleep since its super sunny and humid out there. I was ready to take off into the la-la land when my phone starts ringing. It was my best friend for years, let's call her L.

At first, L sounds really shocked and out of breath. I asked her what's going on and she replied shortly, "I'm at the police station, and just giving a statement as to what happened,"

I wonder what was wrong, was something bad happened to her? I was so worried, when she continues, "do you remember N? your ex boyfriend N from *mentioning a junior high school name*"

I briefly dated N in junior high school, so it's a kind of puppy love. We met on a tutor school that I attended because my grade sunk on 8th grade. There's nothing serious between me and N, we just went to cinemas a couple of time and separated amicably after two months. Later we have no contact whatsoever towards each other, partly because I lost my phone and partly because he never contact me anymore. N is L's cousin from her mother's side, and I'm best friend for years with L ever since we knew each other. We have a dozen of mutual friends, that's why we stay close.

"What about N?" I can't hide my curiosity, because if it's involving police then it means they're on deep trouble, "And how come you got involved in this?"

L then proceeds to confide to me on what happened. After high school, N's father died, leaving his mother very devastated and married to an old guy from Sumatra and move the entire family there. N didn't move since he's just starting college in a fairly reputable university. N stays with L family for a while until they found out he's been sneaking in girls all the time.

So L's father kick him out, and N lived alone in a rented room near his college, but L's family still listed as N's parental and legal guardian. At this time L & N has no contact whatsoever. A few years back L had heard N got his girlfriend pregnant and forced her to abort it. The girl insisted on having the baby without a father, and her family flew in from east java to confront L's parents. To stop the commotion going around, L's family offer to take care of the baby and give the lady a settlement money--she took the settlement money. L then confronted N on what's been happening all these times and she found out that this is not the first girl he impregnates but all of them happily abort the babies.

L was so disgusted that she personally asked her parents to drop the guardianship--or basically drop N's name from the family registry, but her dad felt responsible on what happened to N because he kicked him out of the house, making his wild behavior uncontrollable. L then called N's mother to let her know what has happened to her son, but N's mother turned L with a cold shoulder, saying that the girl's intention from the start was after N's money.

She was ashamed on how her cousin treats woman without respect. As a woman, L felt that N was being condescending and disrespectful towards his exes--but she knows that nothing she could do about it and she's too ashamed to confide it, even to her fiancé.

A few years later--which was actually a few weeks ago, L's dad called her when she's out working, asked her to go to certain hospital in Jakarta (L resides in South Tangerang and worked in Bogor), to check on the news that N has been hospitalized and was unconscious because he was beaten. L then drove all the way to that hospital only to found out that there's an entire family of N's new girlfriend waiting for her there.

L never knew that this new girl exist--let's call her D, let alone knew that she's one month pregnant with N's baby. D was a shy young girl of only 18 years old and just got into college in 2014. Apparently, not only she was pregnant, she also made videos--or sex tapes--with N in over a few months after they started dating. When she found out she was pregnant, she confides to N asking his hand for marriage and responsibilities, but N refuses. D then confides to her parents telling what N and her had been doing. When the parents come to talk to N, N uses the video as a leverage to get away from the responsibilities he should've taken--as a result, he was beaten by D's father and brother.

If only the story were finished there--no. N's mother came all the way from Sumatra and took the case to the police and suing D's father and brother. They retaliate on suing N for extortion--because apparently N also asks money for that video. And thus, L and her family trapped down the witness island.

After L told me the stories, I couldn't be more shocked as to what happened. I knew N as a compassionate boy, a very religious church-goers, an amazing friend and a good listener. Nothing on L's stories that made any sense to me. The boy I knew from years ago wasn't the one she'd been describing over the phone. He can even harm a flea!

Then I wonder, where did things go wrong? Was it the dead of his father? Was it because his mother remarried? Was it because he was kicked out of the house? I never knew and I'm too afraid to ask. I don't want to imagine of a guy I barely dated and had a puppy love with could do something amazingly cruel and selfish.

I confided this story to my fiancé. That somehow I felt lucky I escaped something I didn't know before. That somehow I knew I'm in a better place. That somehow I regret all of this happening to him. I took a nap and sadly after that nap I didn't feel refreshed at all. I even was wondering, if I stay with him at that time, will all this happened?

We never did anything stupid together, thank God. But knowing how his life dwindled so fast in less than a decade, I'm so worried that this might happened to other people around me. For how long he has been asking for his girlfriend to abort their pregnancies, nobody knows for sure. For how long he has felt those pain that urges him to hurt other people, nobody knows. What if someone stays with him through those hard times and encourages him to do better? What if he had a shoulder to lean on and to tell all of his feeling? Maybe he won't do things like this. Maybe he'll stay the humble and nice boy I knew.

This doesn't mean I want to get back with him. Like all my friends used to say, I have a tiny bit more compassion and empathy than most people. But some people, like how my brother always put it, are lost causes and there's nothing you can do about them.

Because God can't be more cruel than letting you taste your own medicine, that’s why.

Because God Can't be More Cruel...

posted by Agi Tiara | duckofyork . . diary / stuff the duckter think on the toilet

Stuff We Think on the Toilet: Why People Go to Jerry Springer's Show

I was wondering (and probably in a stupid way), why people go to Jerry Springer's Show to confide their feelings? Is it worth the time and effort to solve a life problem ludicrously while being watched by the entire nation--and the entire universe who has access to video streaming facilities.

Basically, Jerry Springer show is a talkshow where they supposed to resolve conflicts. Any kind of conflicts, from your bitch is mabitch now kind of problem to KKK kind of problem. And it's actually good because I have watched the older version (where they actually sit in the talkshow studio set-ups) and see how Jerry is actually the most neutral mediator ever... but then, they changed formats and involved a firefighter pole/stripper pole, just a fold on seats and empty stage with bodyguards waiting because all the guest do is.... fight.

Some of the episodes were as stupid as hell, usually ranging from "i'm banging my wife's bff/sister/archnemesis" to "i used to be a man". And stupidly, this show is also a platform for someone to come out! Hell I am not gay but even if I am, I will never want such a sensitive moment to be televised either!

So I did some research and find this thread on Reddit instead. The thread starter used to appear in one of those 'cheaters' episode. He said they flew him in, put him in a nice hotel for two days, give him great food and pay him US$ 300 for appearing in the show, but they changed bits and bits of the story on the air. And fun fact, it's not 100% truth either but it's not 100% lie.

Taking this show with a grain of salt is what I do best as a professional couch potato. and as what DarpaWeenie pointed out in said Reddit Thread:

"Suppose that helped put things in perspective, if you think your own life is messed up, always someone out there with an even more messed up story. Suppose that's what makes Springer and the like so popular. You have a crappy day, turn on the tube, and watch people with really crappy lives."

Was our life turned into a web of crappy stuff that we need to watch other people deals with crappier stuff? Was it so hard to just live for yourself that you need to watch others get effed up too?

But I guess it is. We crave for our existence to be recognized by people around us, and we did that by showing material stuff, be it our beauty, our wealth, our social status, etc. Sometimes we did that to the point that we stopped being whoever we are. We looked down at the less unfortunate and sometimes we share not because of we want to share but we looked down to other people in shame, or in pity.

So let's make pact to ourselves, in order to be a better man, we should stop feeling better just because someone is feeling crappier than us. We should start feeling better because we want to feel better and we want to help those who were crappier than us.

May the Universe always guide your hands to the right place in the right time.

Stuff We Think on the Toilet: Why People Go to Jerry Springer's Show

posted by Agi Tiara | duckofyork . Minggu, 08 Maret 2015 . diary / lifehack / tips from the duckter

Saturday Night is Awesome!! -- or not.

Being in a Long Distance Relationship with a vet with a clinic apprenticeship means two things: a. he's very busy and work in long hours in a place that is super faraway and b. he will NEVER be available for Saturday night. I really want to slap myself in the face as hard as I could for signing up for this. It's not awesome being away, it's not awesome being left out, it's not awesome that he's always working and it's not awesome I got to be on my own on Saturday night.

Far before I was feyonce--get it? feyonce, lol-- Saturday night means going out with my friends until ungodly hours. This ugly duckling will start eating at 5PM, coffee at 7PM, and then hit whatever we can hit at 10PM. Usually this involved a gang of drunken assholes and a hordes of chatty ladies. And now, this is the behavior my fiance hates the most and asked me countlessly to reffrain.

He's far! just secretly do it! Says a dozen of people already. Well, what good would I gain from such thing? In fact, if I get caught on doing it, it will caused a rift on something that's already vulnerable enough.

So just do coffee! Don't hit anything! Go home before 10! That, my friend, is not the essence. They call it "malam panjang" (long night --translation) because it doesn't last before 10 PM.

You're just finding a reason to have reckless fun with your friend! Now this, I understand where this is coming from, but when he was here, I'm taking him with me so he can see me and control my behavior. Now that he is faraway, I don't want any kind of trust issues risen, and this is one of those relationship that I'm not willing to give up or let go just because I want some little fun on the side.

So I listed things that I could do for Saturday night. Sometimes alone in my room, sometimes somewhere else:

1. Deep Relaxation

I love aromatherapy and massage, so this works really well with me. Sometimes I spray my room with lavender scent (because my super paranoid dad kind of banned the usage of candles inside the bedroom) and just sit or sleep, relax while watching tv shows, reading some books, or just do anything to isolated myself from the hustle and bustle that is my home. If I have money (which I usually don't) I will treat myself to an evening in a spa or reflexology parlor to recharge my energy. After that I will just head home and sleep. My current home here is a starter home so I don't have bath tubs with water heater, but soak up your entire body in warm water helps your mind to relax a bit. And don't forget the fresh towel because fresh towel beats ANYTHING.

2. Cooking -- for one.

I usually cater to my fiance's tastebud, and we have different kind of opinion when it comes to food. I love cheese and dairy products, he hates cheese and is a lactose intolerant. I don't consider extra hot chili as a good dinner while he likes it hotter than hell. He doesn't like sweets and bananas...well, you are what you eat and I am super sweet, so...

Cooking for myself is easy, I would just throw whatever leftover into one giant pot of awesomeness that is usually a butter rice, fried rice, mac and cheese, or even soups. And I don't have to worry about putting 'too much cheese'. And then I'll eat them while watching hells kitchen and imagine I was there. That kinda works for me.

3. Phone a Friend that is Single and/or always complains about saturday night

I have this one particular bestfriend who got my best interest at heart because, not only he was a victim of domestic partnership abuse for years, he's also very single and happens to fall in love with all the wrong chick all the time. So I ring up the phone, say hi and we're going to talk for hours, usually about work and nonsensical shit that happens in our daily life. This has go on from my college years, so we kinda have each other on saturday night, even before my fiance is in the picture.

4. Go Shopping, and if you're broke, Shop for someone else!

I recently helps my friend on visual merchandising for his store and to do some curating and shopping for him. Who doesn't love a good old retail therapy? But here's the catch; they only work when you got a dozen of dime in your pocket to spend carelessly. I did, however, find a way to get around this. First call a meddlesome female friend who usually happens to be single, ask her if she wants to go shopping, go shopping together and put on lots of clothes ON HER, not on you. You get the good feeling of the shopping, yet you don't have to pay, and your friends got new clothes. good one, ah?

5. Troll on social media

This is my favorite thing to do on saturday night especially when I'm alone. One of my bestfriend had this game where he would go on facebook and find angry status message then commented on them saying "i know it's my fault and i'm sorry". This is pure genius, if not pure evil. Watch the hilarity ensues from that comment.

I personally doesn't go for facebook. Have you guys heard about SECRET? It's a social media that is available on iOS and android. The idea is you post anonymously and anonymous people which was nearby would comment and like those posts. Kinda like facebook except it's full on anonymous. The worst thing about SECRET (or actually people's Secret post near me) is sometimes people posted nasty things like finding "friends with benefit" or straight on asking for sexual relievers in the form of chat sex, pics and so on. I have to admit they gave me creepers sometimes, but I did troll them in the funniest way possible in the form of the stupidest comment you could ever imagine.

well, that's my take for my saturday night. any idea what could I do for the next saturday night?

just kidding. I know this blog hasn't have a reader yet. But still, have a nice day!

Saturday Night is Awesome!! -- or not.

posted by Agi Tiara | duckofyork . Kamis, 05 Maret 2015 . diary

How to Pass the Time #001 - Guilty Pleasure(s) in the form of Reality TV

Before I started on blabbering all my love and adoration to Lisa Vanderpump; I would like to describe how difficult it is to pass the time without my fiance around. We've been doing things together for months and suddenly, BAM! He's away for work and I'm stuck trying to figure out my life (which revolves around one social circle to another, like seriously, waking up and go to brunch with someone is a part of my daily job). It's so easy when I'm out with my friends or my co-worker, I just kept myself busy for hours and time passed, but when I'm back home I suddenly found out that time goes by so slowly that I could slept for ten minutes and felt like I've been sleeping for eight hours.

So then I was inspired to write my passing time activities which is a lot. I've been preparing myself for my GRE, my TOEFL tests, my current family businesses--which includes brunch/dinner with a lot of people, and.... REALITY TV.

Yes everybody, i have a reality TV guilty pleasures, just like everyone else in the world. Mine came every Tuesday and Monday in form of Bravo reality shows called Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and its very own spin-off; Vanderpump Rules. Now, both of this shows hasn't really transpired on Indonesian citizen (and hasn't been heard even on young adult magazines), but I think if they decided on buying the rights and air it here, they will have a quite high rating, considering the drama and the beautiful scenery of Beverly Hills and beyond. And boy, aren't we Indonesian loves our fair share of drama?

I'm kidding, I hate Indonesian television as much as I hate being away from my fiance. While it was filled with botox-injected celebutantes, faux-pas socialite, low budget TV dramas, boring soap operas and slapstick comedy shows, we have to admit that sometimes we have our little 'thing' with the black box --or black screen, if you have LED/LCD TV (in which I don't. Mine exploded after 20 hours playing assassins creed non-stop. Don't even ask why). Like, however I hate slapstick or crude humor I can't stop tuning in my TV to one of the most funny (yet stupid) slapstick comedy shows every night and laugh. Or how I can't stop watching the Indonesian version of Hells Kitchen--which looks nothing like the Ramsay's version. Or how I can't stop watching late night car reviews and wonder why all TV shows involved amazing car had to re-run on ungodly hours.

So yeah, I have a thing with reality TV shows. When he wasn't away, my fiance would comment on how trashy Brandi Glanville were after watching a few episodes of season five of RHOBH and comment on why I kept watching her (and sometimes secretly rooting for her, what up). He always pointed out how I admired Lisa Vanderpump to the point that every-time I was stuck in a situation I will ask myself "what would Lisa do if she's in my shoes?" --while it's a stupid thing to ask since she will never be in my shoes and I will never be in hers.

Late night kettle corn and B&R binge was my idea of passing the time. I often slept with my laptops open watching Judge Marilyn or Dr. Phil (yes, laptops because my TV is outside my room and ain't nobody got time for that). The first thing I do when I wake up at five is to cleanse my face while watching old episodes of Botched--that show, put fear of ~~God~~ Plastic Surgery in my heart. So then I cleanse my face and also cleans my head from my evil inner thought that keeps whispering "your nose will look way better if it's sharper", so f you inner thought.

Back to our topic, everybody have a guilty pleasures and it may sounds super corny but what are we without trash television? -- if it were considered trash at all?

My point is loud and clear, we wouldn't call it trash if there were qualities in it. And by calling them trash, we raised our standards for those producers and network station, especially for cables. I ain't paying no dime for this piece of crap, but unfortunately, Indonesian TV network came free and we don't have cables at home, so yeah, we can't complain. But sometimes, trash is addicting. Like junk foods and auto tunes. We crave for more because somehow they're addicting and had a catch into it.

Sure, some of the shows I watched look scripted as hell and I don't want to put words on those producers' mouth but after watching one too many re-run of The Hills, I can safely say I'm a reality TV expert by now. And by expert, I watch a lot of shows that shouldn't be watched by any sane human being--like Starter Wives, who the hell watch Starter Wives? I did. Religiously. Or those shows where they portrayed a lavish life of Preachers' families and how the jetsetting around town in their ferraris. Or those shows where they show you how to hunt ducks.

Not to mention, some of the shows I watched could invoke hatred and racist commentaries or even worse, inciting child pornography. I have to be really selective with the content I take with a grain of salt and so far if I can conclude stereotypes of each nation in the world based on their Reality TV, I wouldn't have something good to say about it.

Peter Pomerantsev said in his book Nothing is True and Everything Possible, that he had a really hard time putting positive content on Russian reality TV he produced because in fact, reality is very bitter. And those bitterness equals lower rating because there's two thing people want to watch in televisions; either it's happily ever after or it's always been happy from day one. So I have those insight to Russian television industry. But to Indonesian and american and britain television industries? My comments won't be as civil.

If I could name stereotypes of one country based on the reality TV shows from that country, I would be banished from the world. They said don't judge a country by its TV shows, but well, they stamps REALITY in their title. Of course it would be different if they said the show was just mere portrayal of things and were scripted--but no, it's 100% reality, it's bitter, full of drama and it's aired for the whole world to see (and judged, don't forget).

I'm a lawyer so I definitely trust nothing that I heard and only believe the halves of what I saw. I don't 100% believe that it's in fact is 100% reality. Life is full of drama but it's not full-on drama, that's two different things. And while I don't believe it's 100% reality, I still choose to tune in to my favorite guilty pleasures to pass the time.

And it worked.

How to Pass the Time #001 - Guilty Pleasure(s) in the form of Reality TV

posted by Agi Tiara | duckofyork . Selasa, 03 Maret 2015 . dating advice / diary

5 Reason to Date a Veterinarian (and the ups and downs)

My fiance is a vet. He spends most of his time at his workplace, a cute animal clinic in Palembang, Sumatera Selatan--which is literally thousands of miles away and also in a whole different island from me. And he's the perfect date for me.

Sure, my mom will say things like; "oh but his job is to dissects animals" (which completely untrue--my mom hates animal) or "your future house will smell like a cow farm and dog turd" which also completely untrue because they have invented odor neutralizer, dog food with yucca extract and air freshener (and also ventilation). But that's how most people react to veterinarian, anyway.

Indonesian haven't completely acknowledged Veterinarian as a noble line of duty. In fact, most of Indonesian haven't acknowledged most important jobs as a noble profession. Most of Indonesian Veterinary practitioner was underpaid and overworked. Opening your own practice will be hard and expensive enough as most people valued their animal as a living doll and neglected their health--they usually not willing to pay huge amount of money for their pets. This is a dangerous situation for both of the owner and the pets themselves as they affect the environment surrounding them whenever they get sick. And trust me, owning a few dogs of my own, I've heard tons of stories about how the owner let their dog get sick for a couple of day before taking them to vets and by the time they got there it's too late. Even worse as one guy I know, had a dog that was diagnosed with rabies but unable to bring him to a vet because he doesn't want to pay for a very high price. He was bit and the dog was taken down a couple of days later.

But still, I have faith in my fiance. After all his job is to save poor and sickly animals. I don't care if we're going to live modestly for the next decades. He is one hell of a guy. And I noticed this in most of the Vet i know.

And disclaimer, I know e-Harmony released pretty much the same article, In which sometimes, I have to disagree because, well, my article is a firsthand experience of why you should date a vet. And as far as I know, everybody has their own opinion and way to handle things so I think the dating experience will be different from one vet to another. (I'm lucky I date a great one!)

1. Veterinarian is (usually) Calm, Reserved and Patient

I have to agree with e-Harmony with this one because; my dear friend, a Vet deals with a lot of furry nonsense all day long. They have to stay composed in an utter chaos while--let's say--a 27 kilograms dog who should've been vaccinated runs havoc on the clinic and try to bite everything that moves, or taking an immediate surgery for a cat that accidentally swallow a humongous amount of socks.

while in fact it is true that they're patient when it comes to their practice, we should've been careful with the way we pushed their button. I personally think that my fiance dealt with a lot of things already in his workplace and he doesn't need me to pushed him a little further. There's that one time when I waited for like two hours to tell him that I just got Angina and need an immediate trip down the ER because he's busy working--he got so mad afterwards that I didn't actually tell him, though.

2. You Can Communicate Non-verbally with Each Other

Our dear vets speaks human and their patients speak furry little language. Yet with some kind of touch and miracles here and there, they can diagnose what kind of things happened deep inside those furry little body. They learned to be a little more observant and sensitive to things.

My fiance, speaks the language of a normal human being and frankly, I speak woman. Most of the time we don't connect. Remember how I can always snicker at someone's bag saying "ugh, that bag could do better"? that translates as "the bag is better off with me". As misogynistic as it sounds, us women have AN ENTIRE DIFFERENT LANGUAGE than most man. But when you date someone who is very observant; they'll somehow understand the language.

Plus I don't get to tell him when I constipated. What a truly beautiful relationship.

3. They Work Really Hard...

...Because most pet owners haven't realized how hard it is being a vet. If someone wants their ill and virus-ridden dog to heal in just minutes they should go to pet shaman and have a kabloomey magic. No. Animals doesn't show signs that they're sick until it became quite bad. It's their natural instinct.

Veterinarians saw it all. From blood, pus, turd, anything. And they can't complain about it. I saw my fiance worked in a cow farm before we were dating. All the amount that goes into those kind of work is amazing. I never saw him complain. Not even when we're at a pig farm and it smells like hell. He just worked among cows--even though one tried to kick him in the crotch and one baby cow started to run around him.

The downside is that he doesn't stop working to get enough rest. Working for 14 hours non stop is a regular chores for him. He also sometimes bring topic that he should have left in his office to our dinner table--and trust me, 'I just check a sample of goat feces and found a lot of worm in it' doesn't go well with your Medium Rare Sirloin Steak.

4. He is a Superman.

He is a doctor, a radiologist, a nurse, a pharmacist, a surgeon and other medical profession stuffed into one person. He also a strong person, taking care of animals weighted half of his body weight and sometimes thrice his body weight. He can't be afraid of wild animals, even with the most venomous snake in the world or even world's most ferocious feline. He had to stay strong for multiple surgeries in a day without having too-much-caffeine-tremor. He woke up every two hours to check on the leave-in patient. And he should understand animals of all kind when they have different organs, different sickness, and different way to handle them.

I mean it, if it's not a superman, I don't know what is. And from my personal experience, the only thing my fiance fears the most is something happened to me and straightening iron--it freaks him out seeing me iron my hair every morning.

5. They're grateful to see you.

Most of the vets worked long hours with our furry little friends that doesn't speak or even behave human. So, based on natural instinct, finally talking to the same species helped them to relax their mind a little bit. I know some vets who preferred to talk to animals rather than human, but trust me, finding your soulmate who are willing to listen to your day at work, cuddles you whenever you felt a little bit down, or cook for you and wait for you to come home can bring the best in everyone.

I saw this pattern where most vets date other vets because they shared the same bond. I'm not a vet, so I have to develop a little patience to work on our relationship, mostly because of the work hours that he had. And when he's done practicing, all we can do is stare to each other eyes and comfort each other. Since now we're on long distance relationship, all I can do is sent 10 seconds clip through Line SnapMovie, or do a LINE video call and stare to our cell phone screen for hours. But I always know that he's grateful to see me. And that's what matters.

Plus, I can always say, "the duck-ter is here to see you". (Kidding. I know it's a bad pun)

5 Reason to Date a Veterinarian (and the ups and downs)

posted by Agi Tiara | duckofyork . Minggu, 01 Maret 2015 . diary

This Is It

I am engaged. I am getting married.

Those two sentences have been haunting me for almost a month. I'm always afraid of what's coming to me. I'm always afraid of commitments. I'm always afraid of relationship--or having someone getting into me.

I always wonder was marriage will be the end of the road. I have two things that I believed dearly since I was a kid: One, my mom's career got stuck after she got married and two, my dad's happy-go-lucky life ended that day he married my mom. And they got married pretty late.

Looking back, I'm still very young and had this whole life ahead of me. I just got my bachelor degree two weeks ago. I just celebrated my 21st birthday 8 months ago. Was it too fast? Was it too soon? Am I too young?

Looking back, I barely know my fiance. He's in his late 24 and just started his career. He's off in a good start as a vet and he tried his best to make me happy. We've only dated for five months when he proposed and I impulsively say yes (because girls--or me--says yes to diamonds and cute vet). He never knew that deep down, I'm really scared.

I'm scared that he'll stopped loving me. I'm scared that he'll started find flaws in my personality that he couldn't bear to tolerate. I'm scared of our long distance relationship because I'll get jealous and turn freaky after a while without his attention. I'm scared of being unable to fit in with his family. I'm scared that I won't be able to fulfill his needs and there's so many nightmares haunt me ever since. I couldn't stop thinking of how incapable I was as a girlfriend--let alone being a wife.

But then I always remember how he treated me when I was jealous with his exes, or when I get cranky because somebody wakes me up earlier than it should be, or when I was sick he was beside me almost 24 hours a day. He carries my bag. He opens the door for me. He calmed me down whenever we had cockroaches and spiders in my home.

Was I always too focused with my insecurities so I forgot how gentle and loving he is? It's seems so. Will I try to change my point of view for the sake of our relationship? absolutely. But too bad, saying it--or typing it--is always easier.

The point is, we have to stopped focusing in our flaws in order to change for the better. As my friend said once, "the only key to your success is to stop focusing in your target, but rather in your action" . I kept focusing on how to be the perfect fiancee, so then I forgot how to love someone. And he shows me that love is humble, forgiving and needs hard work.

So, this it. I'm engaged, and I'm getting married.

And I'm starting a blog to chronicling my new life.

Agi Tiara Pranoto

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Saturday Night is Awesome!! -- or not.

1. Deep Relaxation

2. Cooking -- for one.

3. Phone a Friend that is Single and/or always complains about saturday night

4. Go Shopping, and if you're broke, Shop for someone else!

5. Troll on social media

Saturday Night is Awesome!! -- or not.

How to Pass the Time #001 - Guilty Pleasure(s) in the form of Reality TV

How to Pass the Time #001 - Guilty Pleasure(s) in the form of Reality TV

5 Reason to Date a Veterinarian (and the ups and downs)

1. Veterinarian is (usually) Calm, Reserved and Patient

2. You Can Communicate Non-verbally with Each Other

3. They Work Really Hard...

4. He is a Superman.

5. They're grateful to see you.

5 Reason to Date a Veterinarian (and the ups and downs)

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